I remember sitting in the doctor’s office when I was in elementary school and being told that my brain was broken. I had been given pills to help me “be normal.” I was told that if I didn’t take them, I was going to be a failure for the rest of my life “flipping burgers at McDonalds.”

I remember looking out of her window several stories above the parking lot and thinking about how much easier it would be if I just jumped out and saved everyone the trouble of having to deal with me and my ADHD. This was the first time I had thought about suicide. While I’m sure most doctors are truly trying to help, this interaction led to a distrust of any healthcare professional until I was in my early twenties.

As I grew up, I realized that the color of my skin made me a target and I had to get tough. I began using drugs and alcohol to numb my mind from the thoughts I disliked. I took advantage of others to make myself feel better. For most of my life, the only times I could find peace away from substances were when I was in the woods or with my dogs. I knew that plants and animals did not judge me for my mistakes.

This substance use clouded my ability to empathize and make healthy choices. Soon I became too loaded to even leave my room or take care of any pets. There are entire segments of my life that have been lost in my memory and often led to me being woken up by someone in a badge or lab coat – again, being the only person of color in many of these places. This cycle continued until I finally found myself in a room full of people who looked like me and talked like me. They had been through similar situations but made it out, and they celebrated that.

I saw hope for the first time.

As I have fought my way out of the darkness, I have lost many people who couldn’t climb out. I returned to nature to heal and cope with my loss. I returned to school after deciding that I had lost too many friends to drugs and suicide. I believe there’s a reason I was spared and I believe that reason is to help. We are all here for a reason. Sometimes we just need help finding it.

- Jorge Sanchez, Care Specialist for Centerstone and Group Facilitator at Alliance for Substance Abuse Progress